I call myself a Christian witch. Yes that’s a thing…or at least it was.
Yesterday I lit a white candle to focus on sending energy to the world so that my current beau may get his fair portion of custody of his kids. The mother (his ex-wife) will not allow him to see them. I was chastised for meddling in the affairs of others and told to run because a man without custody of his kids must be a bad man. Isn’t it possible that the ex is the problem?
Anyway, I couldn’t focus; my mind was jumping from topic to topic as it usually does but a bit more pronounced. So I decided to kick it up a notch and perform a spell. I put some witch’s grass in my desktop cauldron and wrote his kid’s initials on bay leaves. I placed the bay leaves, one by one, into the fire I had lit; chanting and *feeling* the energy that I was trying to direct.
Proud of myself for taking the initiative to do something good for him, I sent him a picture of the blue fire in my cauldron.
I didn’t get a response.
Did I do something wrong? I messaged someone who is very knowledgeable on Christianity and asked what the bible’s take was on burning candles and herbs while praying. Of course she said it’s not necessary because you need nothing more than love and words to speak to God; you gain no additional “points” when using candles/herbs.
I get that.
My desire is to harness the energy on this planet and direct it towards the desired goal in hopes for a positive outcome. I do pray to God and no one else.
This is why I call myself a Christian witch.
This person also told me that I need to reject witchcraft because I am playing in the devil’s playground. I don’t see that I am doing anything wrong. If I have a relationship with God and use tarot cards for fun, is that really a bad thing?
Yes it is. You can either walk the path of Christianity or walk the path of Satan. THERE IS NO GRAY AREA. I discussed this with the beau and explained that all I am trying to do is to help myself focus on the issue at hand. This is true. I explained to him that the conversation with the friend was difficult because I only have good intentions and that I want to go to heaven when I die. We let it go.
This morning, after restless sleep, I messaged my beau to tell him that I had some clarity. I explained that I do in fact try to tap into that energy with the desire to bring about change. I likened it to Feng Shui. Following the practices of Feng Shui, furniture is placed in ways that allow the energy to flow freely without blockages. I have felt this and I believe in it.
He sent me a lengthy response to my text via email. In summary, you CANNOT be Christian and a witch. You cannot cast spells nor tap into a non-existent energy force. You cannot attend rituals or be a part of a coven.
Now I should probably clarify, he is not telling me to *not* do these things. What he is telling me is that according to the bible, these things are wrong. They cannot be a part of my life if I call myself a Christian. THERE IS NO GRAY AREA. One or the other.
Why does this matter so much to me? Because I really like this guy. It’s obvious to me that he is a devout Christian. If I want to proceed with this man then I have to reject a large part of who I am. But without the witchy side of me, who am I? Can I live and embrace a religion that has yet to accept me? I have always been an outcast…my mother never accepted me. I rebelled on varying levels for my entire life. When my dad passed away (I was 14 years old) my desire to rebel multiplied. I have always done things my way because it just didn’t matter otherwise. Why try to follow everyone else when I can create my own path? I was born on Halloween and it has always been my favorite holiday. I have always adored cats, bats and pumpkins. I feel that I was born a witch.
Now I must take it all away and leave a naked and bared soul stripped of her identity.
Why? Why can’t that part of me be ok? Why can’t I be a Christian witch? What I have in my heart should be all that matters. Following this relatively new path with him will be difficult. There is no gray area. I have to walk a straight line. I may even have to attend church.
But is that such a bad thing?
My relationship with this man is in it’s infancy. I will pack away the witchy side of me and store those items in the shed outside. I have decided that if we get married, I will get rid of these items. Until then, they will rest in the shadows.
I do see that removing this part of me should not take place. But…I do want to give love a chance to grace me. Who knows, this man may be exactly who I need him to be. This man may be able to remove the chains around my heart and hold it in his hands.
I won’t know until I try, right?