Be the bright light

I am currently taking an online course in positive psychology. One assignment that I came across touched me deeply. I was to write a letter to myself from someone that is either living or had passed away. I immediately thought of my dad.

My dad died of a massive heart attack when he was 38. I was 14. My mother had always favored my brother and this became so much more obvious as I had become the black sheep upon his death. I struggled so much for years after his death. As of now, I have zero contact with her. I have little desire to do so. Anyhow, below is my letter from my dad.

My daughter Lisa,

First I would like for you to know how much I love you.  Secondly, I never intended to leave you but it was my time. I am sorry that you were at home when it happened and had to experience the pain and fear associated with my heart attack. I truly wish I could still be there for you and experience your ups and downs with you.

 I was right next to you each time you gave birth to a child and I was stroking your hair while encouraging you to push. I placed my hand onto the chest of each child to feel their heartbeat. I watched and smiled as you began to form new bonds with your precious child. Your children, my grandchildren, are beautiful and I am so proud of them and you.

You went through such a tough time after I died, I was so frustrated with your mom and brother. I stayed with you when you thought you were alone and I did those squats with you when you were being punished. I whispered words of encouragement when you felt alone and abandoned. You can’t see me but I was and still am always there for you. In fact I am looking over your shoulder right now as you are typing this letter. Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Leo are here with me and they too are impressed by how much you have been through and how much you have grown. You know that Grandma is always with you, you can feel it, and she communicates with you through music. Every time you see a roadrunner you think of her and she loves that. She is also so very proud of who you have become. We all are.

I think about all of the ups and downs you have been through and even though the downs hurt, it has made you a better person. You are becoming more in tune with yourself every day and I couldn’t be more proud.

 I know you want to buy a corvette in my honor but I am proud of you for having a Prius! I never knew that a car could be both electric and gas powered. You are constantly thinking about modern technology and wondering what I would think about it and I will tell you I am constantly in awe. The world has changed so much since I died.

Please know that your mom does love you even though she has a hard time showing that. She misses you too. I look at the both of you and wish you had a better relationship but I understand why you don’t; it is too painful. Maybe someday you will be able to repair that relationship with her. Mark has offered to help and I would like to see you take him up on his offer when you are ready. We are all on earth for such a short time and I don’t want you to have any regrets when it comes time for you to join us.

Heaven is such a beautiful place. There is so much love here. God watches over us as well as those on earth and encourages us to reach out to our loved ones. Most people are unaware of their loved ones being in such close proximity but there are some, including you, that just know. I love you and support you 100% in all that you do. I miss you and wish that I could still be there with you in the physical realm. We all love and miss you.

Don’t be afraid to acknowledge us when you feel our presence or when the music is acting up. It’s ok to say more than “hi”. Tell us about your day. Tell us about your feelings. What have your kids done that made you proud? What have they done that made you sad? What was the best part of you day? What have you learned? Did someone touch your heart?

I loved you since the day you were born and I have loved you ever since. You brought so much joy to my life and made me so proud. Don’t ever forget that. Keep on smiling and don’t forget to be the bright light that this world needs. You emit more light than you will ever know. I wish you well in all that life offers you.

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