Good boys bring heaven, too

There is a song by Julia Michaels that includes the following lyrics: “They say, “All good boys go to heaven” But bad boys bring heaven to you. The song is titled “Heaven” and is played as the third and final single from the soundtrack to the film Fifty Shades Freed (2018).

I have found that 50% of the time, this is true. Wouldn’t it be though? Either the love interest is or is not a bad boy and is or is not capable of bringing heaven to you.

Here is what I am learning: Good boys are also fully capable of bringing heaven to you and I’m not talking strictly sexually, either.

I wasn’t really looking for someone for a relationship. I was looking for someone to talk to besides my kids. Adults need adult conversation. I utilized Facebook Dating and Hinge to surf through the sea of men seeking partners and/or friends. Some had potential, others not so much. I have a pretty good idea of what I am looking for and after the last relationship I definitely know what I DON’T want.

I’ve always had a thing for musicians, especially those with long hair. So when Chris’ profile popped up, I was immediately interested in him. His picture was of him playing a guitar on stage although he had short hair (that’s ok, too).

So I sent him a message.

He responded back.

It has now been six weeks since these first words were exchanged. Chris has a background and beliefs in Christianity which is completely fine with me. I consider myself a Christian Witch. Yeah, that’s a thing and an entry for another day. I have visited Chris’ apartment twice now and although we have made out and things got pretty steamy, we have not had sex. He has stated-and I agree-that it needs to be special. Even our first kiss was delayed for the same reason. So I have yet to experience true heaven with this man.

But heaven includes so many more aspects other than just sex.

Chris and I took the Love Languages quiz (https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language) to determine how to best communicate with each other. His top language was “Quality time” while mine was “Words of affirmation”. He calls himself a “gold medal snuggler” and I have therefore dubbed myself a “silver medal snuggler”. So when we’re together, that is what we do no matter the location and I love it.

*I do recommend to you to take this quiz. It is very informative and accurate in my experience.

Chris consistently tells me how pretty I am, how much he likes me, I have great legs, I’m beautiful. He doesn’t say it frequently enough to be annoying or to cheapen the words. He genuinely means it. I genuinely soak it up!

Having a man take the initiative to immerse himself in my love language means so much to me. This is also a first time for me. All of the things I have needed to hear throughout my life and throughout different relationships is what this man tells me every day.

This is my definition of heaven and this man (or boy as Julia Michaels refers to them) has brought it to me.

‘How can this happen without sex’ you may ask? Well…let me tell you. Aside from hearing “Words of Affirmation” throughout the day, I hear plenty of “Thank yous”. Effort made on my part is noticed and appreciated by him. He wakes up early to send me a message wishing me a good day. We Facetime every night, sometimes more than once a day. He genuinely cares about me. He genuinely likes my full sized figure and still thinks I am beautiful! (This is new to me!!) He talks nicely to my daughter. He lovingly baby talks to his tortoises. He misses his children deeply (yet another story). He’s 100% transparent. He’s cautious. He’s paced.

I could keep going.

Heaven has many more dimensions aside from sex. While I am knee deep in puppy love, the facts stand for themselves. This man is a keeper.

Another completed chapter

Last Monday my boyfriend emailed me at work to tell me that he chewed my daughter’s ass out for supposedly bullying his daughter (they are ages 9 and 10 respectively). So I called him wondering what she did specifically. He couldn’t get his story straight much less give me any facts about her bullying his daughter. My daughter emailed me at work telling me she was terrified. So whilst on the phone with him, I pushed for more information. He told me that he told her she should be careful because people have older siblings. I immediately recognized this as a threat. As it would turn out, he told my 9 year old that when his 14 year old arrived at the house (she was currently being brought over) that she would beat the shit out of her. WTF?! My daughter emailed me again, begging for a response so I told her to go to her friend’s house until I get home. I ended my conversation with my boyfriend completely furious. He later emailed me to tell me that his teen and my daughter hugged and all was well.

Except it wasn’t.

When I got home from work I initiated a conversation immediately with offspring present. He was still unable to give me any specific information about what my daughter supposedly did to bully his daughter. I explained that what he told her (about his teen) was a direct threat.

He did not see it as a threat.

I ended the conversation by telling him that we were taking a break.

He occasionally put his hand on my shoulder, grabbed my hand to hold, kissed me and hugged me. I felt like a cold fish and he knew it too.

I was waiting for his teen to go home because she is spiteful and I worried that if she knew what I had planned then she would do something to “hurt” me. She was supposed to go home on Wednesday night but a traffic accident prevented her mother from coming over.

Thursday morning he told me that his ex was on her way to pick up their teen. I immediately asked my boss for the rest of the day and the following day off. I expected the worst but planned for the best.

My mind was made up.

As soon as she left we sat down on the couch together and I spoke my mind without sugar-coating it. I told him to get out because he threatened my child and I would not accept it. I told him I had a hair appointment scheduled later that night so he had a few hours to relocate himself.

As of today, he is barely in my life; we talk very little. I miss the companionship but not him. He activated Momma Bear and couldn’t even apologize for what he said. Yesterday I cleaned the house top to bottom removing all signs of him; the house looks wonderful and so does my future.

Finally

The cat is out of the bag. Things I have been thinking and feeling in regards to my boyfriend have been said. I kinda feel like a bitch but he needed to hear it just as much as I needed to say it.

Now the question is will he pull himself together and take the reins or continue down the path of suffering?

Coexist

My ex-in-laws still babysit my 9 year old while I work. I am very thankful for this. However, yesterday E (my daughter) informed me that her grandparents are “homophobic”. I asked how she came to that conclusion and she said there was a commercial on TV for Pride Month and they told her they don’t want her watching that commercial or related ads because it.is.wrong.

Yes, they are hard core Christians.

I flew off the handle.

Trying my hardest to keep my composure, I messaged Mom and told her that those comments need to be kept to themselves. I raised all three of my children to be open minded and to accept all people no matter what color they are, what size they are, where they are from or what choices they make or who they love. I told her this.

Her response was that she wants to make sure God is in her life and that she goes to Heaven when she dies. I explained that both her (and her siblings) and I have our own relationship with God and that we are also open-minded and love all people, unlike them. She said she will *try* to keep her comments to herself. I stated very plainly that if it happens again then my children will not come over to their house.

Grrr!!!! Times are changing, people are changing. Well, a lot of them are changing but not all, unfortunately.

The inability to focus

I’ve wondered for some time if I may be in the family of ADD. I can’t focus on one thing for very long. I always need to keep busy (I don’t know if this qualifies under ADD) and my mind is constantly jumping around. I find that I even eat in this manner. I utilize fidget toys to help but they only go so far. Today is a real struggle. I have an appointment with the doctor next week to see what he thinks. Until then, I will continue to bounce around.

My daughter Cat

Cat is my first daughter. She’s just shy of 18 now and I love the women she has become. She can be quiet or she can be talkative. She walks her own unique path and I love her for it. I have always encouraged my kids to be themselves and to love others no matter what; this includes how people identify.

I left an unhappy marriage after 20 years. This hit Cat (and her sister) pretty hard. I encouraged Cat to come live with me but she didn’t want to be far away from her friends so she stayed with her dad. Dad got remarried and they moved 45 minutes away from me. Again I encouraged Cat to live with me. She wanted to finish her schooling at the elite school she was now eligible to attend.

Cat has become increasingly unhappy as her new dynamic has become much more Christian then it ever was before. She is not allowed to be herself or wear what she wants. Food is scarce so my already thin daughter is down to eating once a day.

Cat made new friends that walk the same path she does and I have seen her flourish. She has been encouraged to be herself and I watch it develop as she ages.

Cat has been spending more and more time with her new friends and the pressure from her dad and stepmom continues to increase. Per her dad, the stepmom is “upset” that Cat doesn’t seem to like them. I reminded him that our children were raised in a household that it open-minded and accepting of all people to include varying religions. He doesn’t seem to see how much he has changed under his new dictatorship.

My ex and his new wife have built a large house with four bedrooms to accommodate both of our shared children and the wife’s nieces when the visit. However, Cat has been pushed out of their nest. Cat feels that nothing about her is accepted or loved by them. This breaks my heart. I continue to encourage her and support her no matter what.

Cat moved in with her best friend and her family. Shannon is her new “mom” and I really like this woman. She’s very similar to me and we even share the same views and hobbies.

I of course continued to offer my home for Cat to live but she declines stating the jobs are very limited in my town and that she doesn’t want to share a room with my boyfriend’s daughter. I feel like excuses have been made but maybe she just isn’t sure about her reasons. Regardless of the reasons, I always offer a place for her; maybe someday she will take me up on it.

Until then, I watch from afar as my sweet girl grows up and finds her way in life. My heart continually breaks for the circumstances around her with her dad and his wife. I wish things could be different but they just weren’t meant to be.

Future

Silver no gold, beauty withhold. Diamonds are bliss, accepted with a kiss. Dreams come true because of you.

I’ve been looking at rings because I’m in a serious relationship. I’ve shown him the styles I like; something vintage with a purple naturally colored stone. I think he has a good grasp of the style. I showed him one that had a diamond and a price tag of $1500 and he was astonished at the price. Honey that’s cheap. Haven’t you heard the saying about rings needing to be worth three month’s income? I digress and perhaps I will buy myself a fancy ring or something else to make me feel worth it.

Miss Bitey’s Musings

Hello everyone. My name is Jungle Jane but my human calls me Miss Bitey. I’m not sure how she came up with that name; I think she said it had something to do with a movie. Whatever.  Human is at work so I decided to highjack her account and post something by myself. I wonder how long it will take her to notice it.

This is my first time writing so bear with me; I might wander off topic if I see something more interesting than the computer.

Yesterday human came home from work with a box in her hand. I didn’t think much of it until I heard little peeps coming out of it. Oh great. More chickens. Doesn’t she have enough? She held the new chickens out for me to sniff and I walked away. She must be crazy. I watched as she cleaned the large container and then put the bright red light on it. She then put the new chickens in the box. The bright light lets me see their shadows on the box so I lay and watch them move around. It’s quite entertaining.

Human was in the kitchen cooking again. It smells good. Hopefully she’ll share with me again. I walked around her, meowing a couple of times, it’s all a show so she will share with me. I really like human food. Especially the meat. When she’s done eating she lays her plate on the floor so I can eat her leftovers. It’s a pattern with us and I don’t mind it. She had eggs tonight. Those are so good.

I think I need a nap now. I think the arm of the couch looks like a good place. Goodnight humans. Meow.

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