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Sunshine

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. A promotion, learning the new job and being a part time student have taken the free time I previously had.

So what’s going on?

A lot for sure.

Even though I feel like I should elaborate on work and school, while both very important, I am choosing to write about the current man in my life.

We work together so we are spending a lot of time together while still completing our duties. As of today, I have known him for 4.5 months. We moved into the relationship stage about 3 weeks ago.

One again I am in heaven. I fall fast and hard. Yes, I am scared.

Will he be like the others? Will he move on or will things end for other reasons after the typical 3-4 month stage?

My fingers are crossed (again).

He has a nice smile and deep chocolate eyes that reach into your soul to caress it ever so gently. When we gaze into each other’s eyes it doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

Gazing

Longingly

Wanting

It’s a game we must play. The timing just isn’t right.

Time will once again tell whether this will be my last relationship or another stepping stone.

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It’s going to be ok

Yesterday I was counting screws. What a boring and monotonous job. It’s inventory time at work.

While I was counting, for some reason, I remembered a middle school crush. I remembered that he had passed away years ago leaving a young wife and two young boys. I then felt that he loves it when his wife reads to the boys. Followed by that thought was another telling me that everything is ok for her and everything is ok for me. Then, I suppose as an effort of validation, a song came on the radio that just happened to be the same song I recorded on a cassette tape and gave to him.

I sat in shock.

I was also excited.

I have experienced some ghostly things before this, such as a hand touching my hip-no physical beings in site. My grandma has also contacted me through music. Sometimes the radio will start skipping songs or the volume will go up and down, up and down. I just have a feeling that it is Grandma checking in with me.

I have never had someone come forth in this manner and actually communicate with me.

For as long as I can remember I have asked the powers that be to have this ability. I want to use this ability to help people find lost loved ones.

Perhaps this is the first step.

Until then, I will remain open to more possibilities and hope that someone else will contact me. Perhaps I will view each person I come in contact with quietly asking if there is someone that wants to relay a message.

Have any of you had any unexplained thoughts or experiences?

Time will tell.

I met Mr. Trucker after a little over a month of texting. He’s in his “busy season” so meeting sooner wasn’t an option and I hate phone calls so we were limited to texting.

I have to admit I was disappointed. I did not feel the physical attraction and I was afraid of that happening. We put so much time in “together” and now I wonder what the next step is. We do have a lot in common; we both love anything geology related and traveling.

Do I stay aboard and wait for feelings to develop? I usually feel them right away but those relationships don’t seem to last. He stated he wants to take things slow and I am ok with that. Maybe things will change? What if they don’t? How do you tell someone that you just don’t think it’s going to work out? At what point do you know this?

I feel somewhat defeated and let down.

Maybe it’s just me.

Maybe my standards are too high?

Maybe my standards are too low?

I suppose time will tell as it always does.

Heed your own advice

I have been talking to Mr. Trucker for a little over a month now. We haven’t met in person because this is his busy season and he hasn’t had time. He does make time to talk to me while working which is greatly appreciated-and unlike Mr. Halloween.

Mr. Trucker sent me a picture yesterday that wasn’t too flattering. Maybe it was just me. He didn’t look so handsome in it. But this got me wondering, what if we meet and I don’t have an attraction to him? We’ve been talking for a while and we have a lot in common. Would it be a bad thing to just discontinue conversation based on a lack of initial attraction or do I wait to see if it develops?

I still think that maybe Mr. Halloween will pick up conversation now that Fan Fusion is over but I have to keep reminding myself that he made it clear that I was not important enough to even send a quick “Hi” during HIS busy season. I can’t let go of the fact that there was so much potential. But potential is not enough.

What I need is someone who makes an effort and shows me that I am important. I am not asking to come between a man and his job but it only takes seconds to say “Hi” or “I’m busy, I will respond when I can”.

If the situation was different, say my daughter was the one in this position, I would tell her to drop him. It doesn’t matter how much potential there is. If you are important to him he will make time.

So I will try to listen to my own advice and move on as much as my heels are dragging.

I won’t hold my breath

Mr. Halloween has fallen silent. It’s been this way for a while now. It’s sad. However, he is the director of something for Phoenix Fan Fusion which has kept him rather busy. I wonder if he will contact me after the show (it’s this weekend) and pick up where we left off.

I won’t hold my breath.

In the meantime, I am also talking to Mr. Trucker who makes it a point to message/email me throughout his day. He has told me that he learned long ago that he will make his woman a priority and this shows. I enjoy talking with him but I haven’t met him in person yet. He’s in his “busy season” with deliveries and hasn’t had time for a meeting yet.

I won’t hold my breath,

When Mr. Halloween was regularly contacting me, I was at a crossroads wondering which person I should proceed with. With his radio silence it is pointing me in the opposing direction. Mr. Trucker feels safe to me (not that Mr. Halloween doesn’t) and that’s a welcome feeling. However, I currently have no feelings towards him because of not meeting him in person yet. So far he’s just a friend.

I read a post on Facebook or perhaps Pinterest saying something to the effect of ” I don’t care if you’re too tired to call me, drink an energy drink”. That has stuck with me. Am I wasting my time? Am I being too nice? I see potential but it is overshadowed. I see potential in Mr. Trucker as well.

I won’t hold my breath.

Time will once again prove to me which direction I should travel in. Be it left or right or neither.

Have you ever been in a position like this? I would love to hear your experiences.

Tarot

Omg!! He asked me how I feel about tarot. I instantly took a picture of what is on my coffee table which is a deck of tarot cards and an interpretive book.

I have finally met someone who is on the same level as me!

He said he’s proficient at reading cards!

I am in heaven right now! My heart is pounding!!

❤️

**swoon**

I met him today. He’s a bit taller than me, has a middle aged man’s belly (which I love) and is very handsome.

I noticed the little details; the way his fingernails curl down a little, his long eyelashes, his Vans shoes.

We talked about random stuff but mostly his job. I’m pretty quiet when meeting new people so that was ok.

He wants to meet for dinner on my next free weekend.

After saying our goodbyes, I had to wonder if he really wanted to see me again or if he was just being nice. He’s out of my league but we have so much in common and have been conversing so well.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I am trying to process my feelings while hoping for more communication tomorrow.

Oct 31

I’ve been talking to a man that’s a couple of years older than me. I found out he loves Halloween just as much (if not more) than I do! He has a custom license plate that says “Oct 31”.

We’ve been consistently talking and my interest in him grows. We will be meeting tomorrow and I’m really curious to see where things go from there.

Fingers crossed!

A student again

I planned to continue working on my degree next year as I am paying off my braces this year. My friend tagged me on a post for the local college about NO TUITION FEES!!! I immediately jumped on that opportunity! So, I have all of my paperwork in order and have an appointment with an advisor to determine which classes I need to take (mainly math) to get caught up to the college level.

I am excited!!

I couldn’t decide which pathway I wanted to take but I had it narrowed down to four choices. After stewing on them for a while I came to a conclusion. I have always been interested in photography and cemeteries. My hobby is exactly that. Taking photos in the cemetery.

Guess what?

I chose the pathway of digital photography.

I’m so excited!! (Did I mention that already?)

I do not see me making a career (at this point) solely on photography. If it turns into one, so be it. I am the kind of person that goes with the flow in most cases. My goal is to publish a book of beauty found in cemeteries.

I am on my way to achieve my goal ❤